The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
did you just send me my own nude
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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