i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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