My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
