My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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