fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
