Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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