There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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