Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
