I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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