She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
