Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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