I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize