I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
