My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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