Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
