You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
