the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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