So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
