some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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