My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
