i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
