So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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