I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
