I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
