My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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