I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize