I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
