I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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