lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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