dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
