watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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