can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
