I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
