I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just had sex on a roof
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
