I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
