i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
