I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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