OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
