I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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