Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
