Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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