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• (434): View more from Virginia

  you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

  (540): View more from Virginia

  son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  told you he was gay.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So Monday we're lesbians.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.

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• (276): View more from Virginia

  They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?

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• (310): View more from California

  I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.

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• (470): View more from Georgia

  I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"

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