How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
