she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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