The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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