Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
