She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
17 year olds will be the death of me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
