I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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