The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
