Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
