Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
