i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
