dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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