Im at strip club and am horny
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
