Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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