I've blown a few things in my day
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
