sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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