Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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