I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i drank out of a bidet.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
