She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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