He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
