Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i came on her dog
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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